


Honey you're touching something (you're touching me)

by valesweetdreams



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Attacks, Brian is very sweet, But mostly fluff, Fluff and Angst, Freddie Mercury Is a Good Friend, M/M, Past Unplanned Pregnancy, Roger is always worried, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:20:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26572081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valesweetdreams/pseuds/valesweetdreams
Summary: Roger is falling in love with his band’s new guitarist, but in order to stay with him he can’t share his biggest secret
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor, Jim Hutton/Freddie Mercury, John Deacon/Veronica Tetzlaff, Mary Austin/Freddie Mercury, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 52
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I wanted to try something different from what I wrote till now. Hope you enjoy it as much as I.
> 
> PS: this is a friendly environment for gays, lesbians, trans, bi, pan, asexuals, non-binary... if you are here to invalidate and say sh*t about (us) those people you are not welcomed.

Roger was tired. If he slept three hours was too much and now he’s been drumming the entire day in hope to find a new guitarist.

Last night he went to bed happy, he spent a fun day with his friends and bandmates, without talking about music, just playing board games, drinking beer and laughing. Freddie is a delight to be around, no matter the situation, and John once you get to know him and he opens to you, he is the best person in the world. 

Roger knows Freddie for a long time and together they had the idea to start a band, the only problem being that Roger is a drummer and Freddie sings, but only plays the piano, useful, but not exactly what they need for a rock band. They work together for years in a small clothing store at Kensington, they sell enough to live and to share a flat, but they feel they can do much more. 

Thankfully they met John through a friend of Freddie’s, he’s studying in the last year of electronic engineering and gladly joined them as their bassist. They got along very well and in one month it seemed like they already played together for years.

It’s already been six months. And they are still to find a good guitarist.

Many guitarists tried, each gig they made was with a different one and none of them connected. Or they were really bad or they were so arrogant that Roger usually kicked them out right there after the show. It was making everything difficult, especially that since two weeks ago they have two hours each day in the studio to record their first album. And no guitarist. Poor Roger is having to record the guitar parts too and it’s driving him mad, he really wants to find a good and, preferably, a minimum humble, guitarist.

They already had three days of audition but still couldn’t find the perfect one, they just threw away their Saturdays. But for today Roger was sure they were going to finally have their band complete, after all there has to be a decent guitarist around there, the world is so big. Too bad that today is not his lucky day.

After spending the whole night turning around in bed overthinking about his past and too afraid to call Freddie to tell him he’s having a crisis, and drinking too much coffee, he just wanted to die. Or to go home and order a pizza. Or to go out and drink amounts of alcohol to just forget who he is.

But again, today is not his lucky day. And he can’t have what he wants.

“Look, we’ll just have to wait for him, I’m sure he’s coming” Freddie begged him again. He was ready to leave and his friend knows how he is when he is like this, he snaps at everything and doesn't think anything is good. It was not a problem until now because all the ten guitarists that auditioned for them were really bad, so the other two couldn’t do anything other than agree with him.

“It’s almost six, Freddie, why has this mysterious guy has to come so late?” John asks, returning to the room after going out for a smoke to try and ignore Roger’s complaining.

“He’s not mysterious, Deak, his name is Brian and he just texted me that he’s coming,” he explains calmly.

“So if he’s a friend of your and a magnificent guitarist, why did you make us go through hell to find one, huh?” Roger snaps.

“Calm down, blondie, he’s a professor at Imperial College, he didn’t want to commit, but he agreed to give a try,” Freddie says as he steps up at the drum kit to hug Roger, he doesn’t complain, but is still with his angry face.

“Fine, but if he sucks I will kill you”

“He doesn’t, trust me”

  
  


Roger is almost sleeping when the door opens, it’s a shame because he really needs that sleep, but he has to keep working, this Brian guy is their last hope to find their fourth member. He doesn’t look up when he hears Freddie greeting and hugging and just being Freddie with him, and when he introduces the new guy to Deaky. 

His eyes only catch the man when he hears the footsteps approaching him and, god, he wishes he had looked sooner. The man is tall, really tall; has long, curly and dark hair; he looks tired too, but at the same time his hazel eyes were shining; he’s holding a very beautiful and unique guitar case; he’s wearing a simple jeans pants and white shirt with the firsts buttons open, Roger thinks he opened them after he left work, but wait… why is he thinking like this? A minute ago he really didn’t mind if the guy was working, with what he was working or what he was doing, he only wanted to finish it. But now he is thinking about the clothes he chose.

“Roger, this is Brian” Freddie points to the man. “Brian, this is Roger, our drummer”

“I realized that” he gives a little smile that shows his perfect teeths. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Roger”

“Likewise” he says back, he had no idea he was able to be polite today, apparently Freddie too, because before taking his place on their improvised stage, he gave him a surprised look.

They wait for a minute until Brian gets ready and Roger can’t not find that his guitar is really beautiful, he knows he is staring, but he has the right, right? He never saw him in his life, so he needs to get used to his looks…

“Ready?” Freddie asks, the three of them nods. “Right, let’s start with something simple, The Beatles?”

Roger starts the counting and he wasn’t expecting what he saw, or better, what he listened. He even smiles, it’s been only a minute that they are playing together, but he feels like they’ve been playing for years. The problems he had the night before were now in the back of his mind, because right now he’s feeling like he belongs there, drumming with a proper band.

He’s not even tired anymore, because when they stop he realizes they’ve been playing for more than one hour. Ok, now he wants to kill Freddie for not bringing this amazing guitarist before and making them go through all of the countless guitarists.

Roger steps down the drum kit and happily walks to where his band mates are standing, he doesn’t even let Brian and John put down their guitars. “You are in,” he says with a big smile. 

The three look at him, then Freddie and Deaky share a look that he catches in the air, Brian doesn’t know where to look. “What? He’s in, isn’t he? It was amazing!”

He can’t decipher the look in the guitarist’s eyes, so he asks him. “You are in, right?”

Realizing that without a reaction the drummer, who was down and irritated the whole day but now is super excited, is beginning to lose his smile, Freddie finally says something. “Yes, he’s in. Deaky?”

“Of course, you are exactly what we need”

“Welcome to Queen, Bri”

Roger wants to jump of happiness, he really hopes this will take them somewhere, but the most important thing is that he hopes tonight his worries won’t come back and he will stay positive to this new chapter of his life, thanks to a very talented and, not that he’s thinking about it, handsome new guitarist.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: some talking about transphobia, not explicit

The dynamics with a proper band is different from everything Roger ever experienced. Their first album that they started producing and he played the first chords of the guitar is getting proper riffs now, and also new songs. Besides the struggle to find the guitarist they also needed more original songs, Freddie wrote most of them, with Roger really behind with just one and Deaky said he can’t write. 

It also was worrying Roger, he likes to write songs, but most of them are too personal and he is not ready to share them with others, not even Freddie, the only one that knows what happened to him. He’s not like him that can write a song while taking a bath, he’s not that skilled, so they were short on songs to put on the album.

But thankfully Brian arrived, not only with his amazing guitar, but also with his own songs. It was on day two when they were discussing if they had new ideas, they needed, at least, four more songs to have a proper first album, when Brian said that he had written some, but he was not sure if they would like.

Roger, of course, was the first to read them, eager to know what kind of songs he likes to write. To say he was surprised was an understatement, as he was reading he could already create the beats in his mind, he was wondered by the power of the lyrics. He did think that Brian could be an amazing songwriter, but he is one of the best he ever saw. He didn’t say it, of course, he let the other two read them as well, and then they went to work.

Brian was still unsure about putting them on the new album, he said he was new in the band and he didn’t want to start imposing things. But they are indeed desperate, so they can’t pass the opportunity to have good songs, especially on the album that can change their lives.

After one month they were already getting to know Brian better. He is a professor, he teaches physics and he is vegan. In a short conversation with Deaky, when he was talking about a date with Veronica, Roger also learned that Brian doesn’t have a girlfriend, or boyfriend. Not that it matters, their relationship is professional and he hopes they will become good friends as the band progresses. 

The friends thing was developing as Brian also joined them on scrabble after the recording session and for some beers in their favourite pub on the weekends. They got along very well, he and Brian already knew each other, but right now the dynamics is completely different. Roger enjoys those nights, he can laugh and feel like this is something real in his life, that he has good friends that will always have his back, no matter what. It helps his anxiety, but it doesn’t pass, especially when he has some thoughts that he shouldn’t have.

And Brian is in all of them.

  
  
  


Their first gig together is in less than 24 hours and they decided to not look at each other’s face the night before and to relax. Not that they were nervous, after spending a long time with poor guitarists and making boring gigs, they know that right now, together, everything will work well and they will kick some ass. But in the past weeks they spent so much time together that they needed to do something different.

John, of course, stayed at home with Ronnie, he is always the first one to take a night out with his girlfriend, so it’s not a surprise. Of them four, he’s the more family man, despite being the youngest, and Roger thinks it’s cute.

Freddie decided to go out with Mary, his girlfriend. Unlike Deaky and Ronnie, the perfect couple, Freddie and Mary are not a couple that Roger approves. The main thing he wants is to see his friends happy and he knows Freddie is not happy with her, simply because he knows that he doesn’t like women. But the stubborn vocalist always denies and says that he is happy with her and will even marry her. What leaves Roger only to roll his eyes.

Brian said he still wanted to practice some songs and get some sleep, so no night out for him. The same for Roger, if he wanted he could have gone out to a random bar to have some fun, but he was not feeling up to it and decided to just watch some movie, laying on the couch, as he was alone at the flat.

His own plans didn’t work as before leaving, Freddie dropped a bomb to him.

“Are you with your phone?” 

“No, it’s charging in the room,” he answered, without knowing what was about to come.

“Brian sent you a message asking if he could come, you didn’t answer so he texted me, I said he could. You’re welcome,” he says, already heading to the door. Roger, who had a blanket on him, almost tripped on it as he got up quickly.

“WHAT? Why? No, Freddie”

“Why not? He’s your perfect guitarist, and neither of you have better things to do tonight”

“No, stay with us, please”

He doesn’t know what got him, he was never alone with Brian, he has no idea how to act and he’s not sure if he will be able to move, talk and be a person.

“You were the first one to basically beg him to join us and now you don’t want to spend a night with him?”

Roger doesn’t answer, he can barely move, many things go through his mind, from blackness to panic. What the hell will he do?

“Ok, I’m going, he’s coming soon, have fun darling”

Roger doesn’t even see Freddie leaving and closing the door, he has no idea how long he stayed there, staring at nothing, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. What will he do? Maybe make two cups of tea? Will Brian like to drink tea on a Friday night? Probably, he’s not going out, so probably he will not want to get drunk. Or maybe he should offer a beer, just to be polite. And what will they eat? He needs to be a good host and offer him something to eat to. Should he order a pizza? But he has no idea if Brian likes pizza, he has no idea where to order a vegan pizza, for God’s sake. He’s sure they have only some cookies in the cupboard… No, he should move and grab his phone to answer Brian, even if he is already arriving, he needs to be polite, right? 

But he doesn’t have time to think or do anything else because the doorbell rang. He can’t keep panicking right now, he needs to face the reality that is: he’s going to have a fun night with a band mate and friend, that’s all they are.

He takes a deep breath and finally moves to open the door. He’s greeted first by a coconut smell and when he looks up, he loves the fact that he has to look up, he sees the always voluminous hair still down from the shower.

“Hey, come in,” he manages to say, he has no idea how. If he wasn’t sure how to act before, now he is certain that he can’t.

“Thanks,” he says, always polite, but Roger has no condition to judge right now, every feeling is hitting him hard. “Sorry for coming this late, I was bored, then I remember you also didn’t have plans, so…” he smiles and the blond thinks he will have a stroke right there.

“It’s fine, I was just watching a movie, want to join?” It is surprising how natural he is sounding, just like they talk when there are the four of them, no shyness, no awkward environment, just the two of them being like they always are.

“It’s perfect for me, what movie?” He asks while joining Roger on the couch.

“It’s an old movie, Orange Clockwork, but I like it,” Roger says, instead of sitting, he remembers about something that he can make for them to eat while watching the movie.

“Really? I love this movie! I guess this is another thing we have in common” 

Roger tries not to blush, it is embarrassing because Brian is probably just being polite and a good friend. Friends can have a lot of things in common.

“I guess… Want some popcorn? I can make it really fast.” He changes the subject quickly to not embarrass himself further.

“Tonight you give the orders”

God, thankfully the time in the kitchen, while he put the popcorn in the microwave, he could get his shit together.

They watched the movie in silence, in general, only making some comments on the scenes they particularly liked. Roger finds it comfortable, domestic, something he almost never does, when he is with friends there’s always drink and board games and girls.

When the movie ended he was, again, surprised, because he was the first one to start the conversation.

“How did you meet Freddie?”

“Oh, we had a friend in common, Tim, we studied together in highschool then we had a band together, he and Freddie went to design classes together too, so he used to go to our gigs, that’s how we met” he smiles. “And you? What happened for you two to live together?”

“We started working together and to save money. Then we decided to start the band.”

“That’s nice. And why drums?”

“I’m a rebel” he says seriously, but seconds later both of them laugh. It feels good and right to laugh with Brian. “It’s my energy, I think, the drums are the only who can take me without complaining that I can’t stop” he shrugs, trying to sound cheerful in something that bothers him a little.

“Really? I like your energy”

“It’s because you only live with me for three hours a day”

“You can’t be worse than my students”

Roger was enjoying the answers Brian was giving to him, it’s challenging and they couldn’t even breathe while doing it. But he forgot that Brian is also a professor. He is really smart. And he can write songs.

They spent about three hours talking about their lives, their previous bands and band mates, about their jobs and what they like to do during free time. When Brian said he should leave, Roger offered him to stay on the couch, that really was made for someone to sleep because it is very comfortable, many mornings Roger finds Freddie there instead of his own room. He offered a free toothbrush, an old shirt and some blankets, so Brian couldn’t say no. He also argued that it is dangerous to go out in the middle of the night.

That night, even with Brian on the same roof as he, he slept well. The next morning he heard some noises coming from the kitchen and thought that Freddie had arrived. It is so early that he can’t even think, he probably slept for just five hours, but he does not have the guts to look at his phone to know what time it is.

Without thinking he got up and went to kitchen to ask Freddie to fuck off, but he couldn’t do it as he found Brian making coffee and toast for both of them. He is already in the same clothes as he was when he came yesterday, but he has this morning face that Roger finds even more adorable.

“Sorry for waking you up, but I made coffee,” he offers a cup with a smile. And Roger can’t be mad at him. They sat and talked about the gig while eating. It is as good as the talk they had the previous night. 

Roger can’t help but be a little disappointed that Brian had to leave this soon, but he made sure to tell himself that they are going to see each other tonight. After he closed the door he felt something different, but at the same time so similar to what he was feeling before.

And he can’t miss his own diagnosis: he is in love.

  
  
  


“Rog?”

When Freddie returns home it’s almost ten in the morning, he was careful to open the door, he had a thought that Brian slept there, giving the hour he arrived last night, so he didn’t want to wake him up. But he found the couch empty and went straight to Roger’s room. Only to find a very awake and distressed drummer. 

He thought it was another panic attack, he witnessed many of those, and he knows what to do to make him feel better, or at least he tries. But this time he was surprised to learn the cause behind the anxiety this morning.

He knows Roger only talks when he feels ready, so the first thing he does is to hug him. Thankfully, again, he let him do it. But instead of following his breaths to calm down, the drummer started crying. This is new.

“I fucked it up, Fred, I fucked everything,” he says between sobs.

“What do you mean? You fucked nothing, Rog”

“I will…”

“Hey, Rog, look at me,” he never did it, he always let Roger have his time, but it’s a different situation, this is not him suffering because an aunt refuses to call him by his name or he’s feeling like he doesn’t belong anywhere. “Something happened last night?”

Roger nods. “I like him, Freddie, I’m in love with him. I can’t be in love with him.”

“It won’t affect the band, Rog, don’t worry…” he starts, trying to calm him down, but Roger didn’t let him finish.

“This is only one part, he’s just arrived, and it’s weird… and before you say that he might like me back, he probably won’t like me back”

And then Freddie understands.

“He’s perfect, Freddie, but I can’t have him if I will risk losing him if he finds out that I’m trans. All of them leave after I tell them, neither of them can handle…”

“This is only their loss.. but talk to him, you will only know if you talk to him…”

“I know, but…” he keeps himself from saying something else, he gets up and takes Freddie’s hand. “We have a gig tonight and this is all that matters.”

“You are right, let’s put something in your face so you don’t look like someone hit you with a truck”

They laugh, but Roger knows that if he didn’t fucked up, he is the one fucked.


	3. Chapter 3

Roger was feeling everything. For the first time he was really happy to play for two hours in a hot place. He’s actually surprised that the owner of the place still lets them play there, they had enough poor gigs for him to kick them out, but he still gave them their tenth chance. Thankfully. Because this was the fucking best gig they made. He’s even sure it was the best gig the place ever saw.

He was a little anxious before going to the stage because of what happened early. It’s more than a simple crush on the guitarist, on the guitarist that is the cause why they are still doing this in the first place. It’s not like he can avoid him until he figures out what the hell he will do with his life, no, he has to see him being  _ sexy _ tuning his guitar. He has to see him winning over the public that kept gathering in front of the stage as the songs went by. He has to see the way Brian and Freddie interact as John comes closer to him. He has to see the way he runs a little to reach the microphone to sing the chorus. And he hopes he will see this more in the future, in a bigger venue, in an arena, perhaps in other countries, with thousands of people singing along. 

But he can’t help but feel a little jealous, not because he’s the last member the public sees, being the drummer, or because he’s the only one who can’t move. It’s stupid, he knows, he has no rights to think it like this, but the way Freddie moves around Brian, and the way the public looks at Brian while he’s doing his solo, it drives him crazy. He didn’t realize, however, how Brian looked at him the moment  _ he _ was doing  _ his _ solo, or the glances he threw at him while he was singing too.

But at the end of it he was happy, happy that they could make it, and full of hope. This was his dream since the beginning, and now, more than ever, he’s sure they can make it work, and play all their own songs. Tonight they still mixed some covers, to catch attention, but thankfully it was their inedits that the public liked better.

When they returned to the dressing room, they were grinning, and Roger felt one thousand times better knowing that his bandmates also enjoyed as much as he did. They did their group hugging and then complained about how much the others were sweating and it is gross. Before going to the little bathroom to change his clothes, Roger was stopped by Brian, and what he said left him speechless. 

“It’s not fair that you look good even after a gig”

He muttered a quick “thanks, you too” and locked himself in the bathroom, hoping that Brian didn’t see him blushing. Thankfully he also didn’t ask why he doesn’t change clothes in front of them, like the others. Actually he has no idea how to answer it, Freddie already knows why, Deaky also never bothered to ask and Roger thinks he doesn’t want to know either, and the others guitarist never connected to them to the point of sharing the dressing room.

When he returned the others were already with their undercover clothes, so they were ready to join the people that minutes ago were watching them play. They still have the whole night.

Despite always enjoying drinking, especially when they are for free, today Roger was already so high that he thinks if he puts a drop of alcohol in his system he will collapse. He still has enough adrenaline in his body to drum for two more hours if needed, so he faced the dancefloor with John. The place was a little weird, they were playing rock thirty minutes ago and now all the people are dancing with something that seems like David Guetta, because Roger can’t really tell the difference.

He was enjoying the music with a girl that glued in him some minutes ago and won’t leave even if he didn’t show interest in her when he looked at the table Brian and Freddie were sitting in, only to find that Freddie was not there and a redheaded woman was cornering Brian. He stopped, it’s not like he could see Brian’s face, but he was sure he was returning her flirting.

The woman that is with him came closer and asked him if everything is ok, he said yes, but then she followed his eyes and nodded.

“Oh, I see, you need to keep your girlfriend…”

“I don’t have… you know what? Never mind,” he says, he’s not sure if she heard him, but it doesn’t matter, he’s angry, jealous and he is sober. He starts walking, trying to pass the sea of people, but stops in front of the bar to wonder if he should order something to drink. He looks again to the pair and sees that Brian is talking to her. He walks faster to approach the table and wears a smile while doing so.

There’s plenty of space, but he makes sure to sit besides Brian, in the little space he left. “Am I interrupting something?” He asks in an innocent voice.

The music is very loud, so he guessed the woman didn’t hear him. “Of course not,” Brian says while drinking the weird cocktail he has in hand.

At this moment Roger has no idea what to do, should he pretend to be with Brian so the woman will leave? No, he doesn’t know what he said to her before. Should he offer to buy another drink so they can go to the bar together? No, Brian still has his drink. Or should he ask Brian to dance? Yes, he should do it.

“Came here to ask if you want to dance,” this time he says the loudest he can so the woman can hear too. Brian drinks the rest of his drink quickly before saying “sure”.

But then the redheaded looked at him outraged. “I just asked you to dance with me, what the hell is wrong with you?” And then she didn’t even let him answer and left. Well, at least it worked. But then Roger realized that he should make a move, it’s already weird enough the way it is.

But he wasn’t counting on what Brian was about to do.

“What if instead of dancing we go out to take a walk? To calm down?” He offers and Roger just nods, he can’t find the words right now. “Ok, I’ll just tell John and ask him to take the van, wait a second.” And then he gets up and walks towards the dance floor.

Roger takes a deep breath. What does it mean? And why ask John to take the van when he’s always the one who does it? He’s still trying to understand it when Brian returns.

“Ok, let’s go”

They left the pub and the night was a little cold. A welcomed difference from the heat they had been feeling since they started playing. Many things were going through Roger’s mind, first of all, Brian only invited him, it’s just the two of them walking in the street, in the middle of night. They probably are not two band mates hangin out, like he thought about last night when Brian showed up in his house. No, if it was a band mate thing probably Freddie was going to be with them, but it’s just the two of them! And it was Brian’s initiative, like last night.

“So, what are we going to do?” He asks, looking up to Brian walking beside him.

“I miss doing this,” Brian says, looking back at him and smiling.

“What do you mean?”

“Just walking, you know, without worrying, without thinking too much about what will happen next,” and Roger knows, so he nods. He thinks he never did anything without worrying, without overthinking, without thinking so much about the other’s opinions.

“I guess we are just too worried about adult things that we forget to be young…” 

“You are right… we should take more risks, not only with our careers, I mean, trying to be big with Queen is a big risk”

Roger is intrigued by what Brian means with it, he agrees with the part that trying to be successful with their band is a big risk, but he and Freddie have nothing to lose, Brian on the other hand has already a solid job.

“Would you like to go out on a date with me?”

Roger stops. Did he hear it right? Brian wants to go out on a date? He is  _ asking _ if he wants to go out on a date? His brain is in short circuit that he takes a moment to learn how to speak again. The man he’s been crushing on hard is asking him out on a date?

“It’s ok if you don’t want to, on Monday we will do what we always do, no hard feelings” Brian says, smiling. God, this man is really perfect.

“No no… I mean… Yes, I want to go out with you,”  _ why do you have to be like this, Taylor?  _ He thinks to himself, but Brian kept his smile, so he probably wasn’t that bad.

“I know a place that is open tomorrow”

“Tomorrow is perfect,” he says, faster than is normal. He also makes a note to call his mother and tell her he won’t be able to have dinner with her.

“Good, I’ll pick you up at six”

“What about today, doesn’t it count like a date?” He asks, teasing, for the first time he feels free to do it alone with him.

“Well… Let’s make it a pre date then,” Brian winks and Roger thinks he will explode with happiness. At least for now he will take the advice and not worry about what will come next.


	4. Chapter 4

Roger never had a Sunday this long. 

Last night Brian walked with him to the flat, he almost kissed him before he left, but then he thought that it would probably show that he is desperate… well, he is a little, but he can’t show, not in their first pre-date. After that he tried to sleep, but he couldn’t stop thinking that indeed, Brian was flirting with him all this time, he looked at him and he liked him too. It’s not like Roger hadn’t dated before, he did, he liked people that liked him back, but this time he feels it’s different.

This time he is even more scared, though, he really likes Brian, more than he liked the other guys before, and every guy he dated before broke up with him after he told them he’s trans. After a couple of boyfriends he gave up and decided that he’s better like this, without a person telling him in his face that he is a fraud and is fooling them. He’s comfortable in his own skin now and he doesn’t need them telling him those things. Ok, he has some anxiety attacks, but you can’t be perfect when you already went through a lot. And now he fell for the guitarist of the band he decided to form to take his mind out of failed relationships. And now he’s scared again.

But Brian likes him! And he is a good person, Roger tries to think with Freddie’s voice, he was raised well and he’s not a dick. And Roger trusts his friend. 

After overthinking he fell asleep, but he was too excited for the date that he woke up before midday with no trace of sleep in his system, really wishing that it was already six and Brian was knocking at his door to take him out. But he still has the whole afternoon. He decides to go to the kitchen and grab something to eat, he knows they have cookies somewhere, and then he tries to gather courage to call his mother.

He only misses Sunday dinners when they have something with the band, and now she knows that the gig already happened, so he can’t use it as an excuse. He can tell her that he will go out on a date, but then she will want details. If he tells her the truth, that the date is with a band mate, she will lecture him and say that it’s the perfect opportunity to have his heart broken twice. It’s not that she doesn’t want to see her son dating, but she witnessed everything in his life, from before the transition to after, and she can’t stand to have him suffering more than he already did. 

He ended up telling her the truth, surprisingly she wasn’t mad and told him to have fun, that Clare will be with her so he doesn’t have to worry about it, but she also said that he should be careful. 

It was when he hung up that he heard some noises from Freddie’s room. He had no idea he was home, he hadn't heard anything last night. Well, he probably arrived when he was already sleeping.

So he knocked in his door, after years sharing a flat they both learned the limits.

“Come in”

He opened the door and was very surprised by what he saw. He expected Freddie to be laying on his bed with the worst hangover ever, but no, the singer was sit on his bed with three notebooks open, his computer and headphones.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“The best way to not feel like you’re dying is to work,” he blinks and, without taking the headphone off, he asks. “Are you going to your mum’s?”

“Hmm…” Then he realizes that he should tell him that he has a date with Brian. “I actually have a commitment tonight…”

“Ohhhh, finally!” Then he took off the headphones.

“What?”

“Is the date with Brian, right?”

“How do you know?” 

“I know everything, daling”

“Ok,” he’s glad he doesn’t have to explain, but he’s also curious to know why Freddie already knew about Brian’s plans, he won’t ask further, though. “So you’ll help me find the perfect outfit, right?”

  
  


Roger wants to cry. He and Freddie spent the whole afternoon thinking about outfits, trying to find the perfect one, but Roger didn’t like any of them. Now it’s almost six and he isn’t ready yet.

“Just wear anything, Rog, he will love you either way,” Freddie said, already tired of Roger’s complaints.

“You don’t understand, it has to be perfect”, he emphasizes the last word, so Freddie will finally understand what he means.

“He already saw you drunk, tired, with bags under your eyes, sweating, with your hair messed, in your pajamas, and  _ now _ you are worried about being  _ perfect _ ? He already knows you”

“I  _ know _ , but it has to be different. It is important, ok?”

He doesn’t know why, but he feels the need to do everything perfect with Brian, he needs to get him 100%. It is crazy, he knows, he’s not being logical, but he can’t help himself.

“So why not go with the basics? Thigh jeans that show your ass, white shirt, this black collar, and your pink shoes?” Freddie suggests.

“I already tried this”

“Then try again because if Brian knocks at this door and you are not ready I swear that I…” Roger doesn’t even let him finish.

“Ok, ok”

He goes back to the bathroom and puts the clothes on again, he thinks he tried them one hour ago. He decides not to think too much and lets Freddie fix his hair. When he’s finishing the bell rings. Roger gets up quickly and misses the smirk Freddie shows for him being so eager, it’s not like he saw Brian yesterday…

“Hi” Roger opens the door and wears a big smile to welcome the guitarist.

“Hi” Brian says back, smiling at him too. “Here, they are for you,” he gives him a bouquet of red roses, so cliche, but the exact cliche that Roger loves.

“Wow, they are perfect, no one ever gave me roses,” he says while going inside to put them in the water, and it doesn’t surprise Brian.

“Well, everything has a first time”

“Thank you, Bri, it already made my night…”

“You deserve it, but it’s just the beginning,” Brian watches him carefully putting the flowers in a vessel. “Are you ready?” Roger nods.

The ride was quiet, not an uncomfortable silence, but they were just enjoying the company. Silence is a new thing for them as they are always talking and playing loud things. Roger doesn’t ask where they are going, as he trusts Brian’s choice, he already gave him flowers, nothing can go wrong from now on. If they just sit on the floor and eat pizza it would be perfect for him. Roger tries to take the time to look around as he’s always the one driving the van, but he can’t enjoy the landscape because his eyes always go back to the person that is driving the car.

“We are here,” Brian parks and looks at Roger, bringing him back to reality. Thankfully the reality is also good.

They get out of the car and when he closes the door he sees the place they are in. And he thought the night couldn’t get any better.

“I can’t believe it…” he says, smiling.

Brian smiles back. “Let’s go, we have a reservation.” And he takes his hand and leads him inside.

They sit at a table near the window, Roger looks around and is mesmerised by the place. He always wanted to go there, but never found a good excuse to do so. He takes the menu and can’t choose only one thing, it’s like he is a child in a candy store. When he finally decides and they order their food, they discuss a little about last night’s gig and talk about some trivial stuff about their lives that they wouldn’t do if they were talking only as friends.

When the food arrives Roger tries his best not to eat everything in one second. He looks at what Brian ordered and realizes he never saw something like that. He probably realized he was staring.

“They have vegan options here too,” he explains. Well, so that’s why he never ate it in his life. 

Roger nods and attacks his own plate. Definitely the food there is the best in the city, those reviews weren’t wrong. “Take it easy, Rog, the food won’t go away,” Brian laughs.

“I just love japanese food,” he says with his mouth full. Too much for wanting to be all ‘right’ for the date. He can’t forget they are on a date! But Brian laughs, looking loveling at him.

“I know”

“You do?” Roger is surprised, he never told him the types of food he likes, but he could have said when he was drunk, so…

“Yeah, I asked Freddie what you would like to do on a date, so…” It’s the first time Brian looks embarrassed, but Roger isn’t mad, on the contrary, he thinks it’s very cute that he wanted to take him to a place he actually likes.

“It’s perfect, Bri, no one ever did it for me”

“Well, you look like someone that always takes the first step… so, again, everything has a first time”

They finish the dinner and Brian offers to pay, Roger says he should pay at least the half, but the guitarist offers for him to choose and pay the next date. Roger agrees and smiles with the perspective of another date like this, and that Brian wants to have another date with him.

They walked around the area for a while, not going further away because the car was parked in the restaurant. And Roger thinks that Freddie is right, this is not a first date, they already know each other, not for a long time, but enough to not need to have that awkward conversation that one always has when getting to know a potential partner. They can talk about things they like, about what they did during the day and why they chose to follow the career they are in right now and why they decided to give it a try with the music. It feels like they are already dating for years because it is so natural.

But one thing is missing.

Once they get in the car, Brian turns on the radio, they sing along with the old songs playing. Roger is having fun when he realizes they are in front of his flat again. They’ve been out for more than five hours, but it felt like thirty minutes because he wants more.

He doesn’t want to invite Brian in because he will have to share him with Freddie and he doesn’t feel like it, and he can’t ask Brian to drive some more just because he loves talking to him.

But Brian already took every first step they made, so he saw himself leaning to the driver’s seat and doing the only thing missing for them to be really, with no doubt, on a date: he kissed him.

Brian wasn’t taken by surprise, he quickly returned the kiss and after some time they were opening their mouths and sharing a very passionate kiss. Roger wanted to straddle him, but it is so soon. He is happy with the contact, happy with the feelings he is receiving back, not thinking about the future or the things that will probably go wrong there. But it is tomorrow’s Roger problem and he will let him to resolve this, because today’s Roger will enjoy this happiness, because he deserves it.

Eventually the time to go inside came, and he whined.

“See you tomorrow, Rog,” Brian says, also not wanting to let him go.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow…” And he gives him a last kiss on the lips before stepping out of the car.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: a tiny mention of rape, but not explicit, but I thought it was worth to say before you reading; mentions of transphobia.
> 
> PS: but also much love <3

Everything is perfect. So perfect that Roger was scared that in any moment something will go wrong. He and Brian have been dating for six months now and their first album has just been released. But the most important thing is that Brian understands things that his previous boyfriends didn’t: first he understands his passion, after all he’s sharing this with him. Previously he couldn’t share his time between work, boyfriend and drumming, because work took half of his day and then the boyfriend demanded the other half, so he couldn’t even practice. 

The other thing is that Brian understands that every Sunday, except if they have gigs, he has dinner with his mother. Unlike the others he never questioned, he never asked him not to go because he wanted to spend more time with him, he even said that it’s good so he can also pay a visit to his own mother.

And then he understands that Roger wants to wait. He never pressioned to have sex and never asked why he doesn’t want to, he just respects him, his time and his wishes. Roger appreciates it, especially that he still didn’t tell him that he is dating a trans man. He’s not sure if it will affect their relationship, he knows that Brian is a good person and he’s showing it each day, but deep down he is scared.

He is scared because he never had a good reaction. Or the other person ran away, not before telling him he is a freak, or the other person just wanted to use him. So what makes sure that this time he will receive the right reaction? Fuck, he doesn’t even know how the right reaction is supposed to be. His sister never cared, she said she always knew, so it wasn’t a surprise, and his mum had no choice, it was to accept him or to never see her son again, as she was the only person responsible for him. And Freddie, his best friend, is different exactly because he is his best friend.

But something changed when they were out after a show. It was a real show, their first real show, in a theater with the public paying especially to see them. The reaction from social media before the show was amazing, and during it was even better, people even sang along with them. It was magical and they were so happy, the four of them couldn’t stop smiling as they knew they just did something incredible. 

After taking a shower in the dressing room (they were amazed that they could shower there, it is a luxury they never imagined they would have) they decided to go to a pub. It’s different from the celebrations they had before, because their gigs were in those places they had free drinks and couldn’t leave the place. Now they get to choose and they decided to go to the best fucking pub in the city.

They wouldn’t go wild especially because Deaky was with Veronica, Freddie was with Mary and Roger and Brian are a couple. They are all family and they are still starting to make success, but they couldn’t tease each other because of it, not now, at least, the women wouldn’t like it. So they just sat down at the table and drank beer, not quietly, because if you have Roger and Freddie in the same room you will never have silence. But they could end their perfect night in a perfect way.

As the couples went home, Roger found himself in an uber going to Brian’s house. They were slightly tipsy and they were giggling the entire way, Roger saying something about how funny Deaky is while dancing during the show.

“You have no idea how cute you are…” Brian says, caressing his face. Roger leans on the touch. He feels something inside of him, something new, that he never felt before. The way the guitarist pronounces the words, the way he talks about him, the way he touches him.

Thankfully they were arriving to Brian’s flat because they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves, they were trying to be quiet because of the driver, but he probably already realizes they are together, so no problem there, but they still have their dignity to not make out there in the backseat of an uber.

When the car stopped they quickly said their goodbyes and goodnights to the driver and ran inside. Brian’s flat is on the second floor, so they went up to the stairs quickly, Roger following Brian behind, saying that he will get him.

The guitarist stumbled a little to open the door, but as soon as they were inside they started kissing. They’ve been dying to do this, since the morning when they had to be professionals they just shared some pecks. Roger was watching Brian play the guitar and just now he remembered how he played them and now he hopes that he will play him like this too.

They move from the door to the couch, never separating. Roger is laying on his back with Brian on top of him. He needs to be honest and say that he already dreamt about it, about Brian fucking him or eating him out, about himself sucking his dick and coming from it. He feels that both of them are on the edge, there’s no going back now, from now on the only thing to do is to go forward. He takes the lead and takes Brian’s shirt off, then he unbuttons his pants. Before taking them off it’s time for Brian to take _his_ shirt off, but then he pauses.

The anxiety in him was growing. “No no, stop” 

And for a second he expected that he wouldn’t stop, that he would keep pulling his shirt, like once someone did to him, but no, Brian stopped. At the same moment he told him to stop, he did.

“Something wrong, love?”

And in this moment he starts crying, because Brian is being so lovely with him and he wants to understand what is happening. But he can’t. He wants this, god, he really wants to go all the way with him, but he can’t, he’s not ready to tell him, he doesn’t even have the speech ready!

“Are you feeling ill?” Brian is already sitting and putting his shirt back. 

“I can’t do this, Bri…” He starts, he’s not ready but he needs to be honest, in the worst way possible.

“Why?”

“I can’t give you what you are expecting… because I’m a trans man… I’m so sorry…”

He says this and then he gets up and goes to the door. He doesn’t even look back, he’s sure he’s hurting his boyfriend’s feelings, he’s sure he’s breaking the heart of the person he loves. And he didn’t even say the three words to him yet.

He just realizes it started raining when he was already in the street. It was late, he’s not sure what time it is, but he doesn’t know where to go, his own flat is a bit far from there, he can’t walk there and just his luck that his phone has run out of battery. 

His tears are mixing up with the rain, his ears are ringing and he can’t breathe enough oxygen to survive. He’s so absorbed in this that he doesn’t hear the steps behind him.

“Roger!”

He thinks he is hallucinating, positive that he will die right now.

“Roger!”

He looks back. Finally.

“Roger, stop!”

He did.

“Rog, I love you,” Brian says, his hair is funny now because they are wet, Roger has never seen them like this, he would have said something about it, if they weren’t in the middle of confessing a thousand of things.

“Bri… no, you don’t understand…” But he doesn’t want to repeat himself, he told him the truth, what else can he do?

“I do, I do understand. I understand that you are you and that’s why I love you, I love you from who you are.” He comes closer, asking for consent to touch him. “And do you have an idea of what I expect from you?”

Roger tries to say something, but he’s not sure what is happening. Is Brian not caring? Is Brian really saying that he loves him? From who he is?

“I expect you to be you, to be free, to do what you love, what you want. I love watching you drumming and singing, and chatting with Freddie and Deaky, and laughing. And I want you to be happy.” He stops for some seconds. “But if you can’t be happy with me, it’s ok, because you have the right to choose what you do with your life”

It is so… different. What does he do now? No one ever said it to him. He has the right to choose. He is free.

This time he doesn’t say anything, he just goes to Brian and kisses him. It is so cliche, he’s kissing the love of his life in the middle of the street while it’s raining. The kiss is salty because of their tears, but he doesn’t mind. Brian really loves him.

“Here, let’s get you inside and put some dry clothes”

Brian guides him inside and lets him use the bathroom, he leaves some - big - clothes to him and waits until he is ready. The entire time while he is drying himself he thinks about the words he just heard, and he can’t believe it. It turned out that he and Freddie were right all the way, Brian doesn’t mind, he is in love _with_ him, not the _idea_ he had of him.

After about five minutes he goes to the bedroom, where Brian is waiting for him with new clothes too. He can tell that the guitarist is fighting with his sleepiness, but still waited for him. 

“I love you, Bri. I have loved you since the day we met.” He says, sitting on the bed too. “But I never had a good relationship, everything I told the guy that I’m trans they would say that I’m a fraud, that I will never be a real man and that I was just deceiving them. They would say that I am a freak. It hurt, but I never really loved them, that’s why when I fell in love with you I was so scared that you would think it too that I kept postponing and now I snapped because I was giving in to my feelings completely. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

He’s out of air when he finishes, he’s crying again, but this time he is happy. He is happy that he could let everything out of his chest, he is happy that Brian loves him and he is happy that he doesn’t want to change him.

For the first time they sleep together, in the same bed, just cuddling. It is good from now, because they know that what they have is real.

They are real.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been having some difficulties to post this chapter, hope you all can read it because I got stressed, ufff...
> 
> Anyway, enjoy it!
> 
> Edit: I don't know if you all can see the update, it's a chapter that I really enjoyed writing and I hope it won't be lost here in the AO3 because I can't see the work on the fandom's list...

"You still look tense, darling"

Roger had finally gone home after three days with Brian. He and Freddie are still running the stall, but they hope that not for so long, as their album is looking promising, so he asked him to bring him some clothes, after all he was tired of wearing big clothes. They were just doing couples things that they didn’t do before, and spending this time together really helped them to create new bonds that they didn’t know they could have. 

He was truly happy being finally able to be fully himself around his boyfriend, changing clothes in front of him and being grateful that he didn’t ask questions when he saw his body. He really found the perfect person to spend the rest of his life with. It’s not that he wasn’t happy before, thankfully he is a very self confident trans man, he is proud of himself, it was not easy to get there, many people talked shit about him, but now he is confident in his own skin and Brian makes it even better. He had his doubts before, they were all in vain. 

Freddie thought he would move in with Brian, but he eventually found his way home. Now still worried, but because of a different reason.

“I’m fine, I guess I just miss Bri already,” he shrugs. Unfortunately it is a thing he can’t even talk with his best friend, he is dying inside to share it, but this is a thing he can’t tell a soul. If him being trans won’t be a problem, definitely this other secret will.

“Awn, don’t worry darling, we’re already leaving to the studio and you’ll be reunited with your king”

This made him laugh. “Ok ok, just let me take a shower”

“You didn’t shower in Brian’s house?”

“Not alone”

He runs to the bathroom before a pillow can be thrown at him. He likes being with Brian, but those moments with his best friend are also precious to his life. 

The shower helped him to relax, he started feeling a new beat and his thoughts went all to the new song that he’s probably creating. It has a very rock’n’roll sound and he hopes to have lyrics for it soon. The first thing he does when he drives himself and Freddie to the studio is to sit in his drum kit and let it flow. He also makes a mental note to later ask Brian to help him with the guitar riff, that he also has an idea of how it will be.

Only after he finished that he saw that his boyfriend was already there, watching him. He whispers a ‘I’m proud of you’, that he retributes with a kiss in the air. He’s leaving his booth and about to tell them about the new ‘song’, that they are not even supposed to be doing right now, as they have to rehearse right now, because their first real tour is coming, when he realizes that John is arriving only now, about thirty minutes late.

He gives Brian a proper kiss now, but all their eyes are on the bassist that is wearing a happy but at the same time worried expression. They are not sure if they are supposed to ask what is going on, John is always one that shares, but only when he feels like it. Of course they are curious as hell.

“I…” he starts, and Roger can tell that Freddie will explode. Many things might be going through his mind, even leave the band, which would be a catastrophe. “I have something to tell you”

“You can tell us everything, darling, you know it,” Freddie didn’t even let a second of silence before answering.

“Ok, I hope you won’t be mad at me, because we’ll need to sell more albums…”

“What?” This time the other three ask. They are not understand a fuck.

“I’m sorry I’m late… it’s just… I was with Ronnie and we just found out that she’s pregnant! We’re going to have a baby!”

In this moment Freddie jumps on him screaming “we’ll have a baby” and Brian is laughing. Roger doesn’t know how he feels, he’s paralyzed. After some time the guitarist realizes and asks him if he’s ok, he nods. But is he ok? Everybody is happy for the first Queen baby and so is he, so he smiles too and waits for his time to congratulate their friend. If the others realize that he’s acting like this they will ask questions, and he doesn’t want to answer them, not right now, at least.

So he hugs John, says his congratulations and already asks for him and Brian to be the godparents, what caused a fight with him and Freddie, because he also already asked to be the godfather. It lightened his mood and they could work with the happy feeling of a new life that will be among them soon.

After they take their time to choose the songs they will be performing, they discuss the logistics with the crew that will be with them while on tour. It’s just a small tour in England, but it is already something and they can make some money. He and Freddie already said they will close their stall, John is not working or studying anymore and only Brian asked for a licence in the University, not wanting to lose his stable job if their band thing won’t work.

But while they do it, no one realizes that Roger has a different face, that he is not really there, his mind in another place, on the other side of the city, thinking about what he left behind. He knows he’s not supposed to feel like it, John’s situation being completely different, but he can’t help it.

“Bri, we need to talk,” it was just the two of them left in the studio. John had taken Freddie to buy a gift to Ronnie and the baby, of course because Freddie had insisted.

“Is everything ok?” Brian asks, and Roger bits his lips. This is such a cowardly thing to say ‘we need to talk’, it is not fair, he’s probably thinking he wants to break up with him or something.

“Yes… and no,” he stops.  _ You need to stop being like this, Roger Taylor _ . “Actually, would you like to come with me to my mum’s house?”

Yes, like that, with no explanation. He can see that Brian is surprised, they never talked about meeting the parents, actually Roger himself never thought about it, not yet. But he can’t stay like this, he needs to tell Brian his other secret or it will eat him alive. If this will be the end of their relationship, then it will be, he can’t delay it anymore.

“Hmmm... yes? Right now?” Brian asks, he nods, takes his hand and takes him to his van. He can’t change his mind and he can’t let Brian change his… well, he knows he’s not so sure, but this is it.

“The beat I was playing before is a new song that I thought… I still don’t have the lyrics, but I have in my mind something for the guitar riffs, can you help me?” Roger asks after some time in silence. He knows the awkward feeling is because he created it, he never gave another explanation as he drives them to his mother’s house.

“Of course, you want to use the red special or your guitar?” 

“Red, I guess, if it will make our next album then you’ll play it live, so…”

Brian laughs. “Already thinking about the next album?”

“Of course, a man can dream”

The mood remains light until he parks in front of his childhood house. He needs to do it.

“Ok,” he says and takes a deep breath. “This is where I grew up, everything in my life happened here”

Brian looks at him. “What are you trying to tell me, Rog? I’m worried about you.”

“Just… I want you to know that I love you, ok? And if with what you are about to find out you won’t be fine with us being together anymore, it will hurt, but I will live…” This time his voice doesn’t tremble, he never practiced saying those words, they just left like this.

“Rog, I love you, I can’t think about a thing in the world that will make me change my mind, I already told you this”

The step out of the van, Winifred already spotted them. Roger had told her everything about Brian, but she wasn’t expecting them there, not in the middle of the week, on a Wednesday afternoon. She opens the door for them. Roger is shaking and Brian is visibly nervous too.

“Hi mum, this is Brian, Bri, this is my mum, you can call her Winifred” he says, trying to regain a little of his confidence to finally tell Brian. 

She kisses Brian’s cheeks and acts like she already knows him for years and Roger is thankful for it, his mum always knows how to act when he doesn’t. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Winifred, I’m sorry I didn’t brought any flowers, I didn’t know I was coming here”

“It’s ok, honey, you don’t have to, I’ll make some tea, do you want some?”

“Yes, thank you”

It’s just after the interaction between his mum and his boyfriend that the person he was really there to see saw them. The little boy came running to his arms and Roger didn’t even have the time to really prepare himself. When he saw he was with his arms full and alone in the living room with the boy and Brian.

“I have a new car! I  _ have _ to show you my new car!” 

Roger can feel that Brian is watching them. “Wow, I can’t miss it, let’s go to your room, Alex.” He walks with the boy and makes a gesture so Brian can follow them.

“This was my room too, I had to take off all my teenager stuff to make it a kid’s room again,” he laughs, nervous. He has no idea what to say.

“I’ll be right back, Alex, ok? Get your cars ready and then we can show them to Bri, ok?” The boy runs to his bed, happily, and Roger leads Brian to another room. Now he needs to do it, there’s no going back.

“Ok.” He starts, looking up at Brian. “So, you must have a lot of questions… I’ll try to answer them,” he laughs. Brian nods, but he doesn’t interrupt him, Roger wants to know so badly what is going on inside of his mind. “So his name is Alex, he’s six years old and when someone that he doesn’t know comes to visit we always tell them he’s Clare’s son. He even already knows how to act”

He tries to keep going, but he can’t hold back his tears. He never told anyone, not after… He can’t. “It’s ok, Rog…” Brian hugs him and he’s not sure if he got the message.

“I’m so sorry, Bri… but he’s mine…” He’s grateful that the brunet keeps holding him, because he can’t even feel his body. This is a side of him that he never opened to anyone, only to his closest family. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, I’m sorry…”

“You don’t have to be sorry, Rog, it’s ok,” Brian reassures him, but he keeps crying. Why is he like this? Why does he accept everything without questioning? Why doesn’t he demand explanations as to why Roger is dragging him to this mess that is his life?

“It’s not, Bri… I need to explain it to you, please, I can’t leave it like this…”

Brian guides them to a bed for them to sit down. Roger moves a little away, not that he doesn’t want the touches, he does, he needs them, but this is the most serious subject of his life. 

“Only tell me what and when you are ready, it’s ok, remember that I love you”

Roger smiles through his tears. “Ok. I was sixteen and I was with this boyfriend, we were really in love, I had just come out, it was difficult with my mum, she couldn’t accept that she didn’t have two daughters, but a daughter and a son… And I went to this boyfriend house, he was very supportive and everything, he didn’t break up me and we had sex for the first time. Everything was fine until I…” he stops to catch his breath. “Until I found out I was pregnant… It was awful, he said I was a bitch that only wanted his attention and… Mum helped me, I wasn’t going to school because I was ashamed, the whole pregnancy I wasn’t feeling in my body, I was feeling like something was wrong because I wasn’t supposed to do that, you know, because I’m a man… I was in denial, I couldn’t be a  _ mother _ , because I’m not a woman… But then he was born and I saw his face… I love him, Bri, he’s my everything”

Brian brings him to his embrace again. He only heard without questioning, he just let him get everything out. “You are a good father, Rog, in one minute I could tell that you love each other”

“Really?” He finally stops crying, he thinks he is dehydrated after today.

“Yeah… where’s the bathroom? We need to wash your handsome face and then let him show his cars… I have no idea why he has this obsession…” And again, Roger wants to know what’s going through Brian’s minds, because he’s being perfect. 

They still have a lot to talk about, but if this is going to be his reality now, he will embrace it without thinking twice.


	7. Chapter 7

Two weeks after learning about Roger’s son, Brian was still thinking. 

And it’s nothing bad, he guesses. Well, he has the propensity to overthink and, in consequence, to think something is wrong. But so far it has been right, so right. He’s with Roger, for real, and he is the most amazing person he ever met, and he is his, they are together. Roger really chose him, among every person in the world that he could have, he chose a nerd guitarist that teaches for a living. Not for so long, he hopes, as they are going for their first tour as a band.

But then he learned that Roger already suffered a lot. He knew a little, when he asked Freddie if Roger could possible be into man, and when he said yes, he asked if he would want to go out on a date with him, Freddie said that the other man definitely would say yes, but it was to him to be careful, because he was already hurt once. So he was careful, he himself already had a broken heart and he swore he would never do that to another person, let alone with a person like Roger.

But he never thought that the reason he suffered was so mean, so cruel. Brian was never one to think the ‘would I date a trans man?’ because he didn’t have to, he knows he is gay, so why wouldn’t he? Trans men are men. He remembers once, his first year as a substitute professor, a female student came to him and said she’s trans, she was hoping that he could help her, as he was the youngest professor they had and could be more understanding. She wanted help to use the female bathroom, and together they could make a petition to not let the institution prohibit the women from using their right space. He doesn’t think about it as a special thing he did, he thinks those things are natural, he is a gay man… so, natural.

So when Roger told him and ran away, thinking that he wouldn’t want him anymore, his own heart broke, but not because Roger didn’t trust him, but because someone he loves was hurt so bad that he has fears for telling other people, and he shouldn’t feel like it. So he made sure he told him the three words, and after that he made sure to show him all his love. Sometimes he thinks that Roger wanted or, at least, expected him to ask some questions, but he thinks that a relationship should be based on trust, and the most personal stuff he’s sure Roger will tell him if he feels to.

And then he told him about his son. No, he took him to his mother’s house in the middle of the week, without giving him time to get ready. He could tell that he wasn’t 100% relieved after the day he came out to him, but Brian thought it was because they also started getting more intimate and he had to learn things in sex that he never did before, hopefully he went well, because Roger didn’t complain and still asked for more. It’s all new to them.

In reality he still had a secret, a secret that he didn’t share with anyone else. Brian thinks it must be so painful to Roger, to have someone that he loves, someone that is a part of him, away from him like this. He probably thinks he is a bad parent, and Brian wanted to make sure to tell him he is not. He doesn’t why he told him this, he wasn’t thinking clearly after he saw the little blond boy being so happy about his new car toy. And he couldn’t tell otherwise, he was suspicious, a person is not this lovely with a nephew, not that he will know, he doesn’t have siblings, but it is a kind of look that only parents give to their kids, because it is the look he saw in his own father's face. And little Alex looks so much like Roger, not only in his traits, but also in the way he walks, the way he talks. The few minutes he was around him that first time he thought about it, but then the next days when they went there he was sure.

Roger took him there to have dinner with his mum and son almost every day. Brian said it was ok, because he wanted Roger to have this time with his son, especially that in a few days they will be out touring for three whole weeks. And those days made his heart beat faster. He already loved Roger before, but watching him being a parent made everything double.

But the things it implies. Brian never thought about dating a trans man because he is gay, but the discussion about dating a single parent never came to his mind, not a little, not enough for him to think it is not a problem because he knows he will love the other man either way.

No, not even his own mother asked him about it. Now he wishes she did. When he came out she cried saying that she wanted grandchildren, and he comforted her saying that nowadays he can even adopt without a partner, so one day she will be a grandmother. He could have thought that not only adoption or surrogate are options, but also his partner could already have kids.

And now what? Will Roger’s son like him? They interacted just a little on the days they were together, mostly the little boy was interested in his guitar skills and asking him questions about the band. It could only be an interest that soon he will leave behind, kids can be obsessed with something and then drop it, this he knows because he already teached children before.

And what kind of relationship would Roger want for them to have? Will he be like a stepfather? Or an uncle? Roger told Alex to call him just ‘Bri’, and he must confess that he thinks it’s cute to hear his name like this. He knows he should talk to Roger about it. And he will.

  
  


The day then went off on tour, on the not at all comfortable bus, was the day Alex hugged him for the first time. He had promised him a gift, but he said “how, you will be in the same place as dad and he already will bring a gift”, and Brian then promised that he will try and find a very special gift for him, that not even his dad will know. The hug and the smile he gave him made him weak.

Everything was going very well on tour, the public breaking the ice show by show, as even them became more familiar with the atmosphere, until Freddie told them, most specific to Roger, some news. They had a night off, but they decided to spend it on the bus, so they could have the day free in another city. It was still early to sleep and they had already fought over scrabble and were tired of thinking.

“Rog, darling, I was supposed to tell you this sooner, but after the tour I’m moving in with Mary! We found this flat that is perfect! I will propose to her!”

Brian was looking at him, then he looked at John, and then at Roger by his side. He held his breath. They were doing fine with the album and the tour also brought them some money, but nothing that could afford luxuries yet, they aren’t rock stars. He leaves on his own because the salary as a professor is not that bad, and he has only himself to support, but Roger has to share with Freddie because he also needs to provide for Alex’s. Brian can see that he is shocked, that many things are going through his mind, but Freddie is excited and Roger is a good friend.

“That’s great, Freddie”

But the tension remained, they all sensed it. The others might think it is because Roger doesn’t like Mary, he really doesn’t, and he doesn’t want to lose his best friend, but Brian knows the truth. When they finally went to sleep, Brian didn't, because then everything clicked. 

He still has no idea how to do it, or if he is ready, but it is what he needs to do. He wanted to wake Roger up and tell him his plans, but he’s not sure if he will want to share it with Freddie and John so soon, so he waits until they get to the poor hotel room they are sharing.

“Rog, we need to talk,” he says, in a light tone, in order to not start an anxiety crisis on his boyfriend.

“Can’t I take a shower first?” Roger asks, pointing to the bathroom. “I stink.”

“No, you’re not. And this is important, it can’t wait. I hope it will cheer you up”

“I’m not down”

“Yes you are”

“Ok, so what is it?”

Brian makes them sit on the bed, that makes a noise. They will have to have sex on the floor this time, they both think. And takes Roger’s hand. “I’ve been thinking… since I met Alex and you told me everything… I don’t know if this is what you want, but if you do, I know I can do it with you.” Roger looks confused. “So… Do you want to move in with me? I have a spare room as I don’t have a flat mate…”

“Why would I need a spare room? Do you want us to sleep in different rooms?” Roger is still confused, even more after Brian laughed.

“No, I don’t, you know that my room is big and my wardrobe has plenty of space. The spare room is for Alex.”

“What?” Roger gets up and stares at him.

“Only if you want, Rog, I thought you would want to live with your son, I saw that you miss him each day, and with our earning combined I guess we can provide for him too”

Roger sits down again, hugs Brian and starts crying. At first the guitarist thought he said something wrong, that instead of making him feel better he made him feel worse. But then Roger starts laughing, and then he attacks Brian with kisses. “I can’t believe it. I’m dreaming. Punch me because this is not real, I will wake up soon, this is not real, it can’t be, it’s too good. Bri? Brimi? Is this real? Did you just ask for us to move in with you? For real? Like, you won’t regret? God, he is a kid, he has school, I’ll have to change his school, and buy new furniture, and change our schedules, omg, Brian, is this real? Why are you doing this?”

Brian would be impressed by the amount of words that can come out from Roger’s mouth in a minute without him stopping to breathe, but sees everyday what he can do, so it’s not news. But he is impressed that Roger already thought about it, if he said he is dreaming, it’s probably something that could happen in his dreams.

“I will never regret having you by my side. I can’t promise you that it will always be perfect, but we can try. Together.”

It made the mood get better, when they were alone Roger was planning everything for the move, he even told Freddie that he will be ok, because it is finally an excuse to live with Brian. 

Well, the mood was better until after a show a week later.

As always John ran to grab his phone and call Veronica. It’s not like they had already texted each other the whole day. The other three were changing clothes when John returned looking like he saw a ghost. 

“Is everything ok, darling?” Freddie has always been overprotective over John, and now it won’t be different, as he is the first one to reach him

“Yeah, it is, I think…”

“Here, sit, I will get you a glass of water”

“Ronnie said she started feeling some pain in her hips, she’s been worried, but she called her doctor and she said if she’s not bleeding or the pain isn’t too strong there’s nothing to worry about,” but they can tell that he is worried. Brian thinks he knows how he feels, it is difficult to leave someone behind, if it is difficult for him, that has no bonds with Alex, he can’t imagine how it is to John that left his pregnant girlfriend.

“It’s normal, the hips hurt because the ligaments are working to move the bones and accommodate the baby better, sometimes it feels like you are dying, but it’s normal, the birth that will be hell, this pain is nothing compared to…” 

They are all staring at Roger, Brian was speechless and he knows the truth, he thinks that maybe this is it, maybe the way he is interpreting Roger’s words is because he knows he’s already been through it, but the others…

“Wait, Rog, you are saying it so naturally that I may think you know it very well,” Freddie interrupts, John is looking at him like he is explaining the world.

“Well, I’m a biologist, you know”

“No, you said it so naturally so fast, the only person who does it with the subjects he studies is Brian because he is a nerd, you always have to think before you remember something from your classes,” Freddie keeps going.

“Unless you…” John finally says something, at least he has some color now, probably relieved that Roger said it’s normal. And then Brian feels the panic in Roger’s eyes.

The drummer grabs his arm and holds tight. “Bri…” 

“Oh no, don’t tell me that you got him pregnant? Wait, can you get pregnant, I thought that because of the hormones you couldn’t,” Freddie wonders. The dressing room is a mess, everyone is panicking or confusing as hell.

“What? No…” Roger says, but stops there. He looks up at Brian, tightening his grip even more, and Brian will need this arm for the next show. “Bri, please”

Brian sighs. Will he have to do it, really? Yeah, because he does everything Roger asks him. He sighs again. “Rog already has a son, he had him when he was young, and he was scared of telling you guys. But it’s ok, babe, we are all friends here,” he says the last phase looking down at Roger, who is crying by now. The other two nod and go hug him, when they see they are in a group hug for minutes.

“I can’t believe you deprived me from raising our first mascot,” Freddie breaks the silence and John laughs, Brian knows Freddie has been talking a lot to John about how good it will be to have a baby with them.

“He was not a baby when we met, Fred,” Roger says, only pretending to be annoyed.

“It doesn’t matter, we can make up for the lost time now”

Thankfully everything was good again. And they could finish their first tour peacefully and full of talking about kids.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm emotional

Roger couldn’t believe it when he stepped in his new ‘home’ after coming back from the tour. Brian’s flat is big enough to have three people there, it is very comfortable and clear. He quickly made space for him in the wardrobe and bathroom, although Brian beat him on products for the hair. It’s fair, given the fact that his hair is much more difficult to be taken care of.

The first surprise was that Brian also had some products for kids. And Roger didn’t cry when he told him that he’s been watching Alex’s hair and saw that it’s probably curlier that it shows because of the products they use. After he had to tell him that the other person who contributed for Alex’s conception also had curly hair, “I guess it is just my type”, he wanted to say, but it’s not the truth, because Brian is much more than a good hair, he is kind, prestative and he already done so much for his son that Roger still doesn’t believe he is even real.

Telling Alex that he’s going to move in with him wasn’t difficult, he was very excited with it, at first. It was difficult with his mother, she kept asking him if he’s sure that he will manage to stay with him the whole time, if he’s sure that it’s safe for him to stay with Brian, if Brian really wants it, if the school is good. She asked how they will do once they are on tour and Roger said he’s counting on her, and she gave him that motherly look of ‘you will regret it but I support you either way’. And Roger knows she’s probably right, he doesn’t know if he can do it, because he never did it alone, until he left home to start looking for a brighter future for his son, his mother was there all the time, and she’s there with her grandson now too. 

But he won’t be alone, and for the first time, with Brian’s help, he feels ready to be a real father, although Brian already told him that he already is a real father. But now he wants to help him with his homework, he wants to ask him everyday how school was, what he learned, he wants to cook him dinner and to scold him when he’ll do something wrong, he wants to be with him on all the doctor’s appointment and he wants to take care of him when he’s sick. He wants to properly teach him how to drum and take him to the studio. He wants his son to bond with his friends and call them ‘uncle’. He wants to experience everything a parent should.

That’s why it broke his heart when, after one month of being so happy and adapting very well, Alex asked him when he’s going back home. He and Brian established a bed time, that was going very, as everything else - he loved the vegetarian meals that Brian made for them. So one day, before Roger read the bed story for him, he asked this. He had to explain that this is his home now, and asked him if he likes it. He says that he does, but he misses grandma. Roger then had to promise him that he will take him there for the weekend - he was going to, either way, as they have a gig on Saturday night. Roger was relieved that it was just that, that he still likes living with him, so he’s probably doing something right.

But his heart was broken for the second time that night when he joined Brian in their bedroom. He was already laying on the bed, with the blankets on him, when he laid beside him, instead of looking at him, he asked: “Is it because of me?” and it took him some seconds to realize what he was talking about. Brian probably heard only the first part of the conversation, but the worst part is that he’s insecure and Roger had no idea of it. He had to convince his boyfriend that Alex likes him, that he knows very well that they are partners, because he is a smart boy, and he has no problem with him. It is actually Brian the one who helps him with his homework, having patience, as he is a professor and already worked teaching kids. And they are also creating a bond because Brian is also teaching him how to play the guitar. They are a completely non-traditional family and Roger loves it. So he told Brian everything that’s in his heart. Thankfully that night he managed to convince them both.

As the time was passing, the perfect plan they had before showed to be not so perfect. They had to stay out for a week and had no idea what to do, if he left Alex with his mum he was going to be far from school, if he took him with him he would lose school. The solution came on the day they were supposed to leave and Roger was very desperate, cursing himself for being a bad parent. John and Ronnie suggested that he should leave Alex with her, as she already takes care of him when they are in the studio. The problem is that she’s already seven months pregnant and Roger doesn’t want to leave an hyperactive child with her. She said it was no problem at all, and even Alex himself liked the idea, as he promised his father to behave.

Other little things were very difficult, as he could see that sometimes Brian wanted to scold Alex but held back because he thinks he had no rights and then he was stressed the whole day. It doesn’t matter how many times Roger tells him that he can tell Alex when he’s doing something wrong, that that’s the only way he will find out that he can’t jump on the bed or that he can’t leave the cupboard open.

Roger also loses his patience, as an almost seven years old kid likes to test the limits and Roger doesn’t like to keep things the way they are, so they both yell at each other until they are tired and take a nap on the couch together.

When Brian left his job at the University because in one month they will start their second tour, and it will be in the United States, they had another discussion. They had everything set up for Clare to stay with Alex, but an idea came to Brian’s mind. The school had just started, so he will be at the beginning of the semester, so Brian asked Roger if they could take Alex with them, that he will homeschool him. They spent two days discussing it: Alex never went to a show, he’s already friends with Freddie and John, and it will be four months that they will be away. Roger wasn’t against it, but as everything else he is mesmerised that it was Brian who proposed this, so he needed a couple of days to let it sink.

Needless to say that the tour was very special. They were all very surprised to see how the Americans were and they had many sold out concerts. Roger and Brian had gladly refused every invite to parties that were too late or that didn’t let kids in, other nights the four of them stayed in their room or at John’s to FaceTime Ronnie and little Robert.

As it was like at home, sometimes they were stressed by Alex asking too many things or complaining that he had to spend too much time on the bus. Freddie usually managed to distract him, and also take him to a ride in the city to give both Roger and Brian a break. The teacher always talked to Brian to tell him what Alex was supposed to be studying, so most of their free time was like this. They enjoyed the concerts and each city they had more and more people listening to them.

By the end of it they were tired but happy. And ready to record another album.

  
  


Brian never felt so tired in his life, but at the same time he never felt the need to complain. He was able to do what he loves the most with the people he loves the most. Their new album is a success and each day they have more fans. He doesn’t know how it’s possible but he’s even more in love with Roger then before. And he and Alex managed to bond even more, he can say that they are good friends now, and there’s nothing better than to have the trust of a child.

One day, when Roger was busy recording his part on a new song by Freddie, Brian picked Alex from school. It was cold as it was January and Alex seemed like a ball of clothes, not very different from Roger, running to the car.

“Hi, champ, how was school today?” Brian asked, turning the car to the road to the mall, there’s nothing bad in spoiling a little your boyfriend’s son - and very soon your boyfriend himself.

“We only read and read, it was boring,” Brian smiled. During the ride to the mall they sang together the songs on the playlist, and there you can see the music gene in the little boy’s blood.

Alex was very excited to do something different, but in the moment Brian parked he could tell that the boy was quiet and looking nervous. He looks so much like Roger in every situation.

“Everything is alright?” He asked and saw the boy opening his bag and taking off a piece of paper, it’s actually a letter.

“Yes?” He answers with doubt, and gives the letter to Brian. Before opening it Brian wonders if it’s something from school that he’s scared of telling Roger, or another thing that happened.

But it was not. And it was definitely not to Roger. It was 100% for him. He’s positive that he will cry at any moment, because in the letter, with a very childish draw of two men, one with blond hair and other, taller, with big black curly hair, and a child, was written, on the top of the paper: want to be my dad too?

Brian was actually not prepared for this. He never considered himself to be, one day, Alex’s dad. He and Roger never talked about it, it was never a possibility, unless it came from the kid himself. And it did. He probably spent too long staring at the letter that Alex became a little impatient.

“Can I call you dad too?”

And then Brian didn’t waste any time to answer him. “Of course you can, Alex, but this way will confuse me and Rog”

“Dad Bri?” The boy said, enthusiastic. 

“It’s perfect, Alex” He said and then got out of the car, he opened the backdoor and asked Alex to come out. And then he picked him up and hugged him. He’s not a little child anymore, but Brian wanted to hug him and thank him for choosing him. They were both red from the emotions and laughed.

Brian started the day with the thought of taking his boyfriend’s son to the mall, but ended up taking his own son. It is so weird, to know that in a year he turned from a single man to fall in love with Roger to being a father. He can’t wait to tell Roger this. Well, he knows that if they want it to become legal, they will have to hire a lawyer to start the adoption papers, but he is excited to do it too. It will be complete, he had already chosen to stay with Roger, to live with both of them, it’s just official now.

“Alex, now can you keep a secret from your dad?” Alex nods many times.

“So I brought you here so you can help me pick a ring, ok?”

“You will get married?” Alex asked, with a bright smile on his face.

“I will propose to him, but I need your help”

“Yesssss, I will help dad Bri”

And Brian never thought he would be so happy in his life.


	9. Chapter 9

Roger was already at home when Brian and Alex arrived. They were late and Roger couldn’t text Brian to know where they were. He was already freaking out thinking something happened, they never spent too much time alone, without him, and it was just picking the boy from school, about four hours ago, why would it take so much time?

“Hey, are you two ok?” Roger rushed to the door, he was just heating the leftover dinner from last night. He picked Alex’s bag to look for the notes from today while at the same time waiting for the two of them to explain what happened.

“We are good, and how was the song? Did you finish it?” Brian said and went to him to give him a kiss, but Roger wasn’t buying it.

“Don’t change the subject, where did you two went today?” He used his father's voice and Alex huffed. 

“It’s not changing the subject, dad..” Roger wanted to roll his eyes, but he’s playing the adult here. It’s not that he’s mad at them, he definitely isn’t, but they could’ve at least told him where they go. “Me and dad Bri just went shopping,” Alex finished, heading to his room.

Roger looked at Brian who was at the kitchen by now, making something. And what? What did Alex say? He then looked at the hall that leads to the rooms. And looks back at Brian. And looks down at the diary in his hand. And back at Brian.

“The what? Alex?” But the boy probably didn’t hear him, he knows that when he’s back from school he must change his clothes and wash his hand before anything else.

“Bri? What did Alex say?” He went to the kitchen too, waiting for the answer.

Brian turned around and he was smiling. A big smile. The biggest smile Roger ever saw on him. Brian was happy. “Well… he kind of asked me if I will be his dad too? I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you before, but he handed me this letter and…”

Roger didn’t let him finish, because he jumped to kiss him and shut him up. They kissed for minutes, Roger wanting to say everything in that kiss: to thank Brian for being this amazing man that entered his life just to make him happy, for now sharing parenthood with him, not that he didn’t do it before, for loving him doesn't matter what. 

But he was interrupted by two hands on his legs. He looked down and saw Alex looking up at him. He picked him up, just like he used to do when he was a baby, or when he went to visit him when he still lived with his grandma, he’s getting bigger now, he sure will be taller than Roger, but he doesn’t care about it right now.

“When did you get the idea of asking Bri to be your dad too?” He asked playfully, he never talked to his son about it, but always made clear that Brian is his boyfriend. He was already happy that their relationship is good, nothing like the cliche stepson-stepfather kind of relationship, but enough for them to live like a family.

“He does the same things as you and you are my dad, and you love each other,” he looks at them both. “And I want a family”

This time Roger couldn’t help himself and cried, especially after Brian answered. “We are a family”

That night they took Alex to sleep with them, if they couldn’t do it before, they definitely will make up the time lost.

  
  
  


Brian had everything planned. It was not a weekend that Alex would spend with his grandma, but he asked them if he could spend the night there. Of course Brian knew why, but Roger had no clue. The two of them settled everything that day when they bought the ring.

He wanted to do something romantic, but fancy dinner wasn’t really their thing, especially because they hate to dress up to all those things, suits and fix hair and everything. Anything related to music was also vetoed, they were already stressed enough recording their own album, writing their own songs and making their own melodies, so not even if all the Beatles were alive they could’ve gone to their concert because they were fed up and just wanted to spend their free time doing other things.

Roger also hated going to the zoo or anything related because he said he remembers his classes from University and he hates it, so no walking around holding hands. It’s ok, because some animal Brian hates to see suffering when there’s many people around them, like they are scared. So going to the zoo also is not a thing they would do.

So he asked Roger to come in the car with him and let him drive, he had to say “trust me” ten times before he sat on the passenger seat.

“Where are we going?” Roger kept asking, but Brian was smiling and answering him like: “just enjoying the night without the kid”. That Roger replied with: “we could’ve enjoyed it by eating pizza at home and making sex on the couch, not just driving outside London”.

It really seemed like a regular fight in the studio and it made Brian feel good, because they didn’t change and it’s the perfect opportunity to propose. They drove for about one hour until Brian parked. Roger looked at him only with questioning eyes, leaving no room for no answers this time. It was dark, but Brian could see it. He laughed.

“It’s the perfect spot to watch the stars and drink wine,” he said. He has a blanket and a bottle of wine in the back of the car, and the ring on his pocket. He doesn’t feel nervous, he’s been planning it for a while and it just feels the right thing to do, even if they met a little over one year ago. He knows they were made for each other.

Roger was speechless for a while, but soon he opened the door and said. “It’s perfect, Bri, we needed some alone time, let’s go”.

Brian picked up the things and they entered the park. There were probably some students there, but he knows a place no one does. “I used to come here to study, I used to spend the whole night here. Then I used to tell my students to come here and do some observations. So it’s a calm place.” He says while he’s leading his boyfriend - and soon to be fiance - to his place. No one is around, so they can have some privacy.

They sat down and opened the bottle of wine, he didn’t bring glasses, so they were drinking from the bottle. They were laughing and recalling things from the past, from the start of their relationship and how Brian had the idea to ask him out. 

Eventually Roger asked Brian to show him some stars and this was the time he was waiting for. He knew it by heart, so while he was pointing to the sky he picked the box of the ring, he kept telling him some curiosities about the stars and the winter and summer skies. The box was open and now Brian was looking right at Roger, waiting for him to look back down.

“What?” Roger said, still looking up at the stars, he realized Brian had stopped talking.

“I know it’s the most cliche thing to say, but you are the brightest star of my sky”

“You are right, it is”

This moment he looks down and Brian smiles at him. At first he didn't understand, but when he saw it, under the moonlight, and put a hand in his mouth to stop from screaming, Brian started.

“I wanted to give you a full speech now, to say how much you mean to me and how happy I am since you came into my life, but I rather leave it to my vows… so, will you marry me and give me the…?”

“YES! YES! I WILL!” Roger didn’t even let him finish and was already trying to jump on Brian.

“Oh, calm down, let me put this ring on your finger,” he can barely say the words because he is smiling from ear to ear.

“Yes, please,” and so he does, the ring fits perfectly. That day he and Alex went to several jewelry stores to buy the perfect ring, in the end it was Alex who chose the rind, he said that dad would want something small because of the drums, but equally beautiful. The ring has a sole diamond, but it’s not too delicate.

“It’s perfect,” Roger says before kissing him. It’s a different kiss, is soft and promising, it’s just the end of their beginning, because soon another chapter will start and they are more than ready to do it. Always together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next and last chapter: the wedding and a surprise!


	10. Epilogue

_Three years later_

The ceremony was small, only their families and close friends. Freddie complained that he wanted to throw a party, but they said that maybe on their anniversary they will do it. For now they feel to just celebrate among the people they love.

Roger still couldn’t believe this was really happening. Since he began his transition he realized that no one would want to stay with him, that every potential boyfriend would only use him. That’s why he decided to only focus on his career and giving the best life to his son, he would be alone forever, so why bother with trying?

It ended up that he didn’t need trying, because love came in the shape of his band’s guitarist. And man, Roger couldn’t ask for better. There are days he holds Brian closer to him just to feel that yes, he is real and he is _his_.

So while he’s looking at himself in the mirror, with his sister by his side, he thinks that this is where he belongs, in a white suit, more than ready to walk down the aisle with his fiancé, very soon to be husband. He thinks about stories he heard when people began having doubts once they are minutes away from getting married, it’s funny because now he thinks that those people don’t really love their partner enough. Why would he have doubts to marry the love of his life? The man who gave him everything he wants and more? The man who also conquered his son’s heart? If it was up to him he would’ve already got married.

Then he focused on Alex. He tried to get the child to get ready before, but he only wanted to play with Brian’s cousins and he couldn’t stand still, if he had worn his suit before it would be dirty by now. It was very difficult to keep him for five minutes to put the clothes on and get his hair done. The blond curls are getting longer and longer and he refuses to cut his hair, arguing that “if dad Bri doesn’t cut his I won’t cut mine”. And Roger knows Brian will never cut his hair.

When he managed to finish everything, he looked at his son and wanted to cry. He is so handsome, a handsome little boy. And he is so happy, he was so excited for the wedding, when Roger learned that he knew about it even before him, he was touched. Having his son’s blessing is more important than anything else.

“Are you ready young man?” Alex nods. “So let’s get dad?” The boy runs in front of him and Roger smiles. It’s time for the show.

Brian was anxious. But finally it was a good anxiety. He was happy, very happy. Everything went well until now and he hopes it only continues to improve. He’s also happy that his parents and close family are with him. In the beginning it was difficult to tell his parents, he wanted to be honest with them from the start. So he told them that the man he’s dating is trans. His mother didn’t really care, but his father wasn’t understanding, so he had to explain. Instead of getting him to support him - it was already difficult when he came out - his father asked “but weren’t you gay? I thought you liked men”. It got worse when he told them that the man in question is the drummer of his new band. His father also didn’t approve of him being in a rock band, he wanted Red Special to be just a hobby, he was happy with his son being a professor. But it passed and with time they got used with his relationship with Roger.

The revelation that Roger has a son and _this_ son also asked _him_ to be his father, that took Brian a while to tell his parents. He was on the moon with his little family, but he was so scared that his parents wouldn’t want to be a part of their life and it would crush him. But when he did his mum was so happy, she started crying and saying “thank god I have a grandson”, and since then she and Alex started a good relationship. Roger was also happy that finally Alex has two grandma.

And today is the day to celebrate only good things. Today is the day to celebrate their love. The love that came in the shape of their little son - Brian loves using the plural here- running into the room he is. 

“Ready?” Alex screamed in an enthusiasm that only an eight years old can have. Roger is right behind him, matching Brian’s own white suit, but of course he thinks that it wears better in the blonds.

“You look stunning,” he says, smiling at his handsome soon to be husband. 

“You too, you look taller,” they couldn’t flirt more because Alex was rushing them to go and start the ceremony.

They entered together, with Alex in front of them, holding the rings. They could see Freddie and John waiting for them in the front and their family sitting on the chairs. The place is very cozy, a garden that Freddie got for them, a perfect view with many flowers and a very pleasant natural smell. The woman that is celebrating the wedding started saying the traditional stuff, but neither of them were paying attention. They were looking forward to the vows.

“Roger. I didn’t give you a whole speech when I proposed because I was waiting for this moment. You already know how much you mean to me. You changed my life completely, I never believed in love at first sight, but it happened, because I fell in love with you the moment I entered that room. I remembered how scared you were to embrace our love because you were waiting for a bad reaction. But Roger, I’m so proud of you, I’m so proud of this amazing and brave trans man you are. And I am so lucky that you chose me and gave me this opportunity to show you all my love. And you also gave me the best thing in my life, beside your love, that is our son, I never thought I would love someone that is not my blood as I love you two. And you can’t believe how happy I am that we are living this moment. I love you, Roger, and I always will”

Roger was already crying, and Brian wasn’t better at the end of his speech. Everyone was making ‘ownn’ and love faces. Freddie even whispered “they are the best couple ever” to Jim, who looked at him knowing that they are supposed to have a wedding like this too and it’s all up to him now.

“God, I can’t even say a word right now,” Roger starts, laughing a little to compose himself. “Brian, you are the light in my life. Before you I was doubting everything, from ‘we will never find a guitarist’ to ‘I will never have a love life’. And I was happy to just fulfill the first thing, but you did both, you did everything. You came into my life and made me feel safe, loved, and safe to love you. You saved me, Bri, you have no idea, but you did. And you embraced my whole life, I love seeing you and Alex interacting because you two are the most important people in the world to me. I know I’m not as good as you are with words, and I didn’t even have written the vows, it’s just for you to know that everything is coming from my heart, and you are a big part of it. I love you, Brian, and I always will”

They exchanged the rings and kissed. Alex ran to them and they went to the little hall to the party. This time they have only a little alcohol, having many kids is not a proper place to get drunk. With that both of them already promised John and Freddie that later they will get drunk together, just the four of them.

  
  


“What do you think about having more kids?”

They were having a quiet night, Alex is with his grandma and they usually use this time to have loud sex. This time, however, they were tired and decided to just cuddle in the bed, recording a new album is not easy. Roger was drawing patterns in Brian’s chest when he thought about it, and immediately shared.

“Well… I would love to have a big family,” Brian answered with his eyes closed, without thinking twice.

“Would you mind if we… if we adopt?” He asks, carefully, he knows Brian wouldn’t demand anything from him, but he needs to ask.

“Rog, love, look at me,” he opens his eyes and looks down at Roger, who quickly looks up at him too. “Do you remember that I literally signed a paper to have my name in Alex’ birth certificate?”

“I do…” and it still amazes Roger that Alex is now officially Taylor-May, it doesn’t feel real.

“So… what about if we adopt siblings? This way we can adopt them all at the same time and not let them be separated” Brian proposes. And it is actually a good idea. He too wants a big family, and the process of adoption is hard, so why not do it at once?

“Well… I don’t know if I want a baby, they are too noisy,” they laugh.

Yeah, they will have their family, with one, two, four, six kids, he doesn’t care. He only cares that everything he does he has Brian by his side. And with him he is invincible. They are invincible. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was lovely to write this story! Hope you all enjoyed and thank you so much for every single one of you that took a time to read it, I hope it could put a little smile in your face or at least made you feel hopeful.
> 
> And remember: Love Always Wins <3

**Author's Note:**

> Want to say something about this story or just have a chat? My tumblr is valesweetdreams.tumblr.com


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